oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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