i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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