I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
