I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
