cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
