my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
