Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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