Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
