pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
