the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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