wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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