you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
