If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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