If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
