he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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