I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
