You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
