he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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