And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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