just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
