Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Are my feet made of real feet?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
