i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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