my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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