so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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