I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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