An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
