i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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