He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
