you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
