so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
