So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
