Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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