so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
