ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
