fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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