The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
