____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
