just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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