if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
