I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
