My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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