I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
