he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
