I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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