I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
