I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
