i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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