i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
