I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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