i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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