Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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