I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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