woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now