Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
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Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.