i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.