Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
