My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
