I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
