I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
