Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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