Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
