i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
