I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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