I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
