and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Girls should come with a carfax report
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just high enough for therapy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
