i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
