A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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