I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
