First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
