It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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