At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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