this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
