I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
