i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
