i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
