I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
