I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
