She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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