My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
