OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
