Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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