You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
