Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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