it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
