I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
