I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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